Mama said Knock You Out…

The art of self-defence or fighting, has been a skill dating back many centuries. Each style has a history and a beauty conveyed delicately through its movements. It can be mesmerising to watch, and for many spiritually fulfilling to learn.

From the description, Martial Arts seems like one of the top well-being acts that a person can reward themselves with, however, there are some who believe it is just violence masked up through a veil of tradition.

So, with these two different perspectives, as a mother, I ask myself whether this should be something that I introduce to my children?

Personally, I have a strong belief that the benefits totally outweigh anything else. Not only are they being taught discipline, respect, listening skills, staying fit and healthy but they are also being equipped with the knowledge of how to defend themselves.

The list goes on.

It is also an excellent way to open their minds to different cultures and socially increase their awareness of diversity, to the point where it becomes normality to them. As a parent, are those not all the boxes we look for when finding any teaching institution or after school activity for our children?

Then there’s the whole gender issue.

Should girls be practicing Martial Arts or is it still seen as a masculine arena?

There is significant change happening across multiple platforms in society and we have seen how all sports are evolving.

Women are asserting their independence further at a mass scale, so should this not also be instilled in girls at a young age so that they can continue the fight for representation?

Females being an integral part of martial arts is not a new concept. Just ask the legend that is the Buddhist nun, Ng Mui, who centuries ago developed Shaolin Kung Fu into a more compact technique suited for use by smaller fighters known as Win Chung.

Then we have the suffragettes in the UK, who in the early 1900’s were trained in Jiu-jitsu as a way of defending themselves against police officers and vigilantes who opposed the right of women to vote. Albeit they fought mainly for a select few who ticked the correct class and race boxes, but it was still a group of females who identified martial arts as part of their struggle as told by Wendy L. Rouse in her book, “Her Own Hero”.

In this day and age where females still need to take the initiative for self-protection, although that shouldn’t be the case, as a mother I cannot depend on others to raise their sons with a pro female and pro-choice attitude. So, my best option is to make sure my daughter is equipped with what she needs to be a badass!

I first introduced my daughter into this world at one of the biggest Martial Arts gyms in London, Fightzone. Offering a multitude of styles to practice, their vision stems from a nurturing family ethos, and as soon as you walk in, you are welcomed by a warmth that takes your inhibitions and puts them on a time out.

With all things new, most experiences can be daunting to a 4-year-old and it took some time for the staring off into space and the free spirited “No one tells me what to do” toddler attitude to get kicked to the curb, but once it clicked… it clicked.

In the beginning it was an odd afternoon class here and there, classes where she’s socializing with a different crowd to what she sees regularly. A crowd that is made up of all walks of life and there is no agenda apart from having fun.

She began with Brazilian Ju-jitsu, and I still remember she was so tiny we had to roll up the sleeves and trousers of her pink gi (kimono), and has since incorporated Muay Thai, Boxing and Capoeira into her repertoire.

It’s fun for her and she’s learning life skills that whether she realizes it or not, can be transferred into her growth as a young female and all the way into womanhood.

As a gym, Fightzone is establishing themselves as a key player in raising the next generation of Martial Arts warriors, but it is also attracting and ensuring that the people teaching there are of that same calibre.

I was privileged to be able to interview one of their female teachers, Nadine Tavares Da Silva, an up and coming world class gold medallist Brazilian Jiu-jitsu athlete.

Originally from Brazil she moved to the UK as a fresh 20-year-old ready to take on the world. As I ask her about her journey into martial arts her face lights up with warm memories as she recounts how she would train boxing with her father as a young girl and then when she turned 15 years old she shifted her focus onto Muay Thai. Being the only girl in the class did not deter her and if anything this sparked a passion inside her which evolved further when she came to London and discovered Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

We continue to discuss the role females play in martial arts. She describes how over the past 5 years she has seen an incredible, unified explosion, globally across the martial arts world. Women are not only being “accepted” as strong athletes but as world class competitors in their own right.

Whether it’s due to an increased awareness in females across all continents that they have a voice, or whether it is a recognition that was long overdue, the important thing at the moment is that it is there and continues to grow.

Having worked in development, I saw the ugly side of females not having access to their rights, their voice and opportunities that their male counterparts enjoyed.

The plight of women in countries where femicide is rife, where young girls are forced into prostitution, where young girls are not permitted to attend school, and where the concept of a powerful female is seen as a dangerous tear in a patriarchal macho society.

The World Health Organisation defines femicide as “the murder of women because they are women”. Regardless of the high-level committees and legislation that has been passed to combat this, many activists maintain that the ambiguity and lack of clear guidelines fails to make a viable impact on reducing the number of killings.

We live in a world where females are murdered for standing up for human rights.

The political activist Marielle Franco, who dedicated her life fighting injustices faced by the poorest sectors in society, was brutally assassinated. The indigenous activist, Cristina Bautista, was killed for speaking up for her people’s rights. Esther Mwikali, murdered for fighting for her community’s land rights. The list goes on.

Even in the UK, according to Amnesty International, “two women are killed by their partners every week in England and Wales”.

Understanding the mass scale of violence against females only cements my decision to arm my daughter with tools to fight back.

Females representing the strength and intelligence that comes from perfecting or just training a martial art, is part of the fight of owning our choices and helps reinforce the equality that is long overdue in society.

To be able to witness how females are continuing the fight of feminists or freedom fighters who came before us, fills me with hope that further change is possible. As a mother all I have ever wanted for my children is their happiness, but that is not enough in the world of today.

The interview goes on to discuss whether Nadine had to make sacrifices to get to where she is in her career. Apart from the normal sacrifices you would expect a champion would have to make, such as putting their social life on hold, training for hours and hours, it seems she also sacrificed a relationship which many successful women have had to do in order for them to reach their full potential.

The outcome, she grew in confidence and feels more assured in herself about making life decisions and stepping into the unknown. It’s obviously worked, as she is making her way up the career ladder in a sport that she loves.

As a teacher, not only is she putting herself out there as a role model and influence to young girls, but also to all genders in showing them that they can achieve anything. She recognises this responsibility and is determined that if she can help make a positive change to their lives, she happily embraces this honour.

When I was a child, it was an era where I chose to do the stereotypical “girl stuff” such as ballet and gymnastics. Don’t get me wrong, I loved what I did and my parents let me choose, but as I waited and watched the karate class next door finishing up, I couldn’t help feel a deep sense of wishing it was me doing those arm blocks and kicks.

As soon as I hit my 20s, I was sucked into the glorious world of kickboxing. In my 30s, the idea of an 8-limbed technique turned my passion to Muay Thai. I realised as an adult I was able to channel, and tap into that desire to learn a craft that makes me feel confident and acts as an outlet for any pent-up aggression to be released. Not only do I find it physically beneficial to my health, but it has also brought me a way of helping manage my anxiety and overall mental health.

So how do I handle this with my daughter? In this new era of an evolved feminist identity, is it possible to do both? The stereotypical girly activities of playing with dolls and dress up (which although I have consciously tried to deter, she genuinely loves) blended with the spiritual and physical strength of martial arts?

I say yes.

My role as a mother is to ensure my daughter is not only raised as a strong confident female, but also to ensure that she is surrounded by females such as Nadine, that are positive examples that your gender is not and should not be a factor is reaching your dreams.

At the same time that this is happening, it has an amazing knock on effect on her brother. He is being raised in an environment where females take the lead, where females are placed on an equal pedestal to their male counterparts, and that they both know that anything is possible.

I can sleep better at night knowing that at least when my daughter gets older, she’ll have a fighting chance in this world. Even if society fails to reach a level of equality and respect where all genders can make the life choices they choose.